Ex In The City

EX Rated Barcelona

Women living solo are traveling the world as they reinvent themselves after a breakup or divorce. In search of woman-friendly restaurants, hotels, shops and secret places that support each stages of "EX" .  This is the first in a series of EX rated City Guides written by wonderful women all around the world.

Every time I visit Barcelona I discover something new. It offers something for everyone; it is a place to be in Exile alone while enjoying a stroll by the Mediterranean, a place to take in history and culture, or a place to just let go and have fun , while dancing on the famous Ramblas and toasting with Sangria.

With its many wonderful neighborhoods, you have a chance to Explore. Begin with the Gothic Quarter, a unique medieval area in the heart of town, still intact, where you will loose yourself in history. No map necessary (it does not help anyway), as every 14th Century archway will inevitably bring you back to the present.

A celebrated example of Gothic architecture is the Cathedral of Barcelona, built at the end of the 13th Century; admission is free and if in need to Express yourself, join the groups of people who gather at the entrance and join hands to dance Sardana, a part of Catalonian folk tradition. For a wow Experience visit Sagrada Familia (Holy Family), Architect Gaudi’s incomplete masterpiece cathedral, (begun in 1882), depicting the entire bible carved in stone described by some as Art Nouveau run wild. Go to www.sagradafamilia.org for information on tours, events, donations and more.

If this is too much Expressing for you, head to the Picasso Museum housed in two palaces on a Medieval street. It contains most of Picasso’s works arranged in chronological order giving you a sense of the development of his ideas and trends. For information on special events go to www.museupicasso.bcn.es or in Spain call 93-319-63-10. It is open Tuesdays - Saturdays 10:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. and on Sundays 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.

Looking for Excitement, a funicular will take you across the port up to Montjuic from where you will have uncomparable views of the city and perhaps a photo or two to make your ex.... jealous!!! While in the area, visit Pueblo Español or Spanish Town, built for the 1929 World Fair, it is a re-creation of the different villages that make up Spain.

If you are still in a period of Exile the promenade along the marina old port, will give you the privacy you crave while dining al fresco in one of the many restaurants. Order the tender broiled seabass, perfumed with olive oil and served with Aioli potatoes. It is a Catalonian specialty.

The rest of the day why not Exorcise. Trendy designer boutiques line the streets of the elegant Passeig De Grácia. Get yourself a new wardrobe or perhaps a new look. Everyone needs a special something for their self-esteem.

After all the adventures, it is time to Exhale. Cathedrals are not the only landmarks in the city; head to a xampanyeria or champagne bar to savor on the Spanish version, Cava. It is bubbly and even considered as good as its French counterpart.

Though there is so much more to see and Experience, what makes Barcelona so special is its people. Whether you want to be alone and regroup, or you want to be part of the magic of the city, you will find the right atmosphere just for you. You will go home Exorcised, and with a new outlook on life.

Brief Bio:

I was born in Colombia, South America but have lived most of my life in the United States. I am 45 years old and currently living in Southern California. Will soon be relocating to Spain. I am fluent in several languages. A Graduate from the University of Miami, Florida opened a Paralegal Service in 1991 and sold it in 2004. I have written financial advise columns for several Florida publications such as Alma Hispana, El Latino, El Semanario and had a radio show in the West Palm Beach area dedicated to Immigration and Financial issues. Former President of the Palm Beach Hispanic Chamber of Commerce and active in Democratic Political campaigns. I have participated as guest speaker on several television programs in West Palm Beach in the last few years. Co-wrote a book entitled “12 Steps to a Debt-Free Life” and with my passion for travel decided to get into travel writing. I have been accepted to write travel postcards for International Living as well as a column in a Barcelona publication. Accomplished my first dream, now working on the second one: travel writing.

 

EXhale

Breathe Deeply!
Travelers will know that if a plane is in trouble, when conditions supporting normal life are suspended, the pilot calmly says “place the oxygen mask over your face and breathe normally.” And then “Do not attempt to help anyone else until you have secured your own mask.’ If you have managed to arrive at the stage of EXhale, you know first hand how life got very strange as you moved through the stages of EXile, EXpress, EXorcise, and EXplore. On the journey, you clutched any life support that you could find and just kept on breathing as normally as you could. Sometimes you slipped into a coma, other times you just gasped for air. Now you have worked through your despair, dismissed the demons and find yourself ready to truly move on.

The Journey Continues
The plane is cruising comfortably at 30,000 feet and normal life support conditions have been restored. However, you can still expect turbulence along the way as you move from here to “there”, wherever “there” might be. You may still be several thousand miles and pools of tears from resolution, and you might even circle back through EXile or EXpress again. You may live in a state of EXplore for years! But remember what it feels like to breathe on your own. You made it; you’ve paid a high emotional price for your freedom. Remember I told you all things would pass. After one year, I finally started to feel human again. I was taking deep breaths that energized me with a life-force that for months had totally eluded me. I felt alive again.

Time to Reach Out
This is the time to remember friends and family who helped you keep that oxygen make firmly planted on your face as you stumbled and lost all faith that you’d ever make it through the night. I remember the scene in Under the Tuscan Sun when one of the characters said after a breakup – “When do you think that I’ll start to breathe again?” Thank your girlfriends who reached out and listened and sympathized and stroked you. Thank your children for being there for you, unconditionally. Tell them you’ll return the favor one day and mean it. The next time someone calls you with a story of a sad ending – well first of all tell them about exinthe city.com or the other great websites we mention, then tell them you understand. Because you do. Deep down. Reaching out to others will complete the circle and you will get a great perspective on how far you’ve come.

Take Chances!
This is time to be fearless. Life is short. It’s a time to take chances and to not worry if you fall down again. It’s the “get back on the horse” stage. Yes, I am talking about dating. You may have been out with guys during all the stages of ex and you may have thought that you had found the perfect replacement. But now you are ready to open up and from a position of energized confidence about yourself and your image. You know yourself in a deeper way, you have defined the boundaries of what you want from your life, you see no reason to compromise.. You are ready to take a deep deep breath from your heart and reach out for a new relationship, step out and take a chance at love again.

You are free of luggage – take whatever your heart desires!

EXplore

Welcome to Explore
After long excruciating days in EXile, the frenetic outpouring of grief and anger in EXpress, and the cleansing Exorcismof renewal, you finally get it. Life is short. You are feeling more human and want to actually go OUT into the world, examine your options and start to EXplore.

Money Can’t Buy Happiness
One of the most terrifying aspects of divorce is that there is often a justifiable deep concern with financial security. It’s a fact that most women end off financially worse off after the end of a relationship. There is often a tendency to want to move to a new city, change jobs, return to school, make a big change! These are all good goals! Take chances if you feel ready, but beware the pitfalls. Exploring starts at home.

Money Can Buy Options
In the stage of Explore, money is not the goal but can be a key. Money opens doors.. Robin Spears is a travel writer who, after her very dramatic divorce 6 years ago, left her small community in Lake Tahoe to move to San Francisco to jump start her career as a writer. She spent the next 5 years traveling the world, looking for her new home. She went on a kind of blind date with the world, which in many ways combined her EXile and EXplore stages at once. Robin now offers women’s workshops in Brazil for women in this exciting stage of EX.

Do What you Love!
One of the least expensive ways to EXplore new options is to read about them first. Test the waters, let your heart and mind wander into new territory without judgment or expectation. Bookstores these days are a treasure trove of adventure, education and inspiration. What activities map to that leading lady you defined back in EXorcise? Start a hobby, join a club, and learn a new skill. Try new things and do what feels good for a change! Take chances any chance you can!

EXplore the World
For many EX-ers, travel is a great way to reaffirm individuality, and experience the incredible world we have been ignoring while in EXile. The challenge is that now you are flying solo and that presents its own set of issues. One site that you absolutely MUST visit is www.journeywoman.com. It is the absolute best site for women traveling alone and has all the resources that you’ll ever need. Travel is one of the most liberating and energizing ways to reinvent yourself, alone or with other women.

EX-Appeal
This is a time for redefining your sexuality which was probably a strong component of your relationship. For many women, sex or even sensuality, has not been a part of their lives while in EXile, EXpress or EXorcise. Men have been blacklisted for many and ignored for others. The stages of EX are really focused individual redefinition, so now that the thought of another individual in the mix is scary. EXploring one’s new sexuality is a great opportunity to embrace and there are so many innovative women’s shops that help you get some practice. There is attractiveness to being an EX. You are self assured, confident and in a state of mind where you won’t compromise!! Men love this, so enjoy your EX-Appeal. New clothes, new look, new toys – go for it!! EXPLORE your options and have FUN!!!

EXorcise

Welcome to the stage of EXorcise.

At this point, you are ready to release the demons of your past and let go of your EX for good!!

I have a close friend who gave me some amazing advice.. He said, "OK, It's time! Quit crying, bitching and moaning!! Approach your life as if you were producing a Broadway show."

Identify the Lead Character.
Hint…that would be YOU!

Describe the Leading Lady.
What does she look like, what’s in her wardrobe? What are her values? Say out loud five words that describe that person. My words were “loving, creative, sexy, intelligent and passionate”.

Start Rehearsals
Every day do one thing that supports each value of importance to the lead actress. For example, express intelligence by reading something new, express creativity by learning a skill.

Define a New Look
As the lead actress you will need a sexy new haircut, new wardrobe - a revamped image! This forces you to take a look in the mirror (full length by the way – no cheating!!). You may have been tempted to do a dramatic makeover in an earlier stage of EX, but you are most ready, physically and emotionally to do it in the Exorcise stage. Check out our favorite clothes, stylists, and plastic surgeons around the world.

Decide on Your Supporting Cast and Those People You are Going to Lean On.
Be selective – “A- List” friends only. This is hard and takes time. It does not involve your ex! (and no, you can’t just be “friends”!). You’ve probably exhausted your friends by now, so why not join a Woman’s Group, attend a workshop or find new friends online.

EXpress

 
Could Have, Should Have…
EXpress is the stage of EX where you: 1) Obsess about all the things you didn’t say or do in your relationship. It’s a mind numbing cycle of self effacing guilt and sadness. 2) Have an irrational desire to speak to someone, anyone. You want to share your personal tragedy with friends, family, shop-assistants, hairdresser, and complete strangers. You want sympathy, comfort and a shoulder to cry on. 3) Are stuck in a permanent mind loop. Feelings of anger, despair, frustration and pain dominate your life.

Why ME?
It’s important to realize you have not been handpicked by some spiteful deity for this painful experience. Change is the only constant. What used to be “until death do us part” is now “until it doesn’t feel good anymore” or “we’ve changed, let’s move on”. No judgment, love is a victim of change, the nature of all that exists. , So count yourself lucky that you’ve been given the opportunity to start over again. My mother found out about my father’s affair at age 48, and died of a broken heart two years later (they called it cancer). She didn’t have the support infrastructure or will to live without him. She died and he lived happily another 25 years with the women of his choice. That to me seems a very sad outcome for a woman who deserved better.

Don’t Call Your Ex!!
You’ve spent countless hours analyzing your ex’s shortcomings and you figure it’s time to give him a call and tell him in precise detail how he ruined your life. But STOP, before you pick up the phone, don’t do it! Buy a journal, eat chocolate or buy a small indulgence for yourself - its far less humiliating. He doesn’t want to hear your anger or tears. Even if it makes you feel better, it doesn’t matter anymore. Trust me on this. Most men (and I know there are exceptions) have their own way of dealing with divorce and separation. They compartmentalize, deny and move on. Quickly.

Scream, Whine, Moan and Generally Lose It!
As Sue, a friend divorced in her 30’s said “ALL CAPS #@**!!+#” are definitely allowed in this space. There are some great women’s websites where you can let it out and you can also visit our EX in the City Forum. Give yourself a second change by EXpressing your inner rage. It will be healthier for you and you’ll create a healthier roadmap to a new future. If you don’t do it now, you will have to live with the unexpressed horror of guilt, remorse and a sense of utter abandonment By now you’ve probably tested your best friend’s patience with nightly 3 hour phone-calls analyzing the situation over and over. Trust in your inner strength and know all this WILL pass!

EXpress Yourself!
So after your throat and heart are exhausted from screaming, pull out the roadmap of your life (which may be a total blank sheet, by the way) and try to define some destination, but take each day, one at a time. Visit our forums and tell your story. Submit your article and share your experiences with others who understand and support you. Helping another women through this time is a healing gift.

EXile

The first stage of healing after a relationship break-up normally finds you wanting to go into some kind of EXile.

No matter how bad the relationship was when he’s finally gone you are devastated. You are living in your own private hell and don’t feel like getting out of bed, let alone leaving the house. The thought of taking out the garbage is overwhelming. Welcome to EXile! Here are some tips to help you survive:

Dark sunglasses: your new best friend.
You WILL cry – A LOT. So, your number one purchase should be a pair of very dark sunglasses. Live in them. Feel like an exotic and wounded creature that needs protection from the bright lights of reality. It’s really ok. You will cry all the time and that too will pass. At some point you’ll realize there’s a world around you that you love, people who care, maybe even a future.

Don’t make ANY big decisions.
In Exile you feel so alone and vulnerable. You can’t sleep for longer than a few hours and you are still fantasizing about re-uniting with your ex (even if you won’t admit it). My advice is not to make decisions and to not expect any concentration or clarity of mind. A friend once advised me that this is the time to firmly put the oxygen mask on and to breathe. Don’t take it off to help anyone else until you are feeling stronger yourself.

Put future plans on hold.
Try not to make commitments and don’t buy tickets to events. YOU WON’T GO. Trust me on this. I booked massage sessions, volunteer sessions, concert tickets (and if you think missing a concert with Tina Turner is an easy thing) – well it just shows how much of a complete and utter hermit you want to be in this stage of “EX”.

Important safety tips.
Try not to start smoking if you can help it. Avoid drinking excessively – you will just feel worse. As a general rule, refuse to indulge in any addictions because trust me you’ll have absolutely no self control to quit!!

Be gentle on yourself.
This is the stage where you’ll beat yourself up for every little thing you’ve ever done in your entire life. You can’t believe you sent your ex another email telling him what a creep-coward-monster he was. (By the way, when are email designers going to figure out that the most valuable feature in email for many ‘ex-ers’ is the “recall” feature?). EXile is temporary, although it doesn’t feel like it. All this WILL pass. It’s a cliché, but time heals.

Respect your family and friends.
Kids (if you have them) may want to help, but keep in mind you look pretty freaky at this time - streaks of mascara, unwashed hair, sobbing into your Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Cherry ice-cream. It’s not a pretty sight and can do irreparable damage to young minds. Your kids remember you as a happy mom, the smiling, ever cheerful problem solver. You have been their hero for years. This is a hard transition period for them too. How you handle this time will impact them, so be authentic and truthful above all else.

Get help if you need it!!
Consider seeing a counselor, or joining an online support group. Your friends really can’t help you through this state of EXile.. You are not the person they used to know, but that’s ok. You are NEVER going to be that person again. The great news is that you are on the road to a future that will be filled with new opportunity, new friends and challenges, and probably, although at this point you refuse to accept it, a new love.

Divorce Depression

Experiencing grief and depression from divorce is common when a person's marriage ends.  The sense of loss can be comparable to the pain of losing a loved one.  In essence, it is the death of your marriage.  It can be a very sad time in your life as you lay to rest all the dashed hopes and dreams. Right now, you may feel as if you’ll never love anyone the way that you loved your husband.

Things that you may be feeling:
Your pain is real, and as you begin your divorce recovery you may experience some or all of the following symptoms of depression from divorce to some extent:

• Inability to sleep or sleeping more than usual
• Over eating or a total lack of appetite
• Fatigue
• Unusual aches and pains
• Excessive alcohol or drug use
• Difficulty concentrating
• Persistent negative thoughts
• Irritability or anger
• Anxiousness or restlessness
• Sense of guilt or worthlessness
• Pessimism or indifference
• Loss of interest in formerly pleasurable activities
• Recurrent thoughts of death
• Thoughts of suicide - *Get Help Immediately*

It's Okay to Ask for Help
While it is normal to feel these things off and on, you should consult your doctor if you are experiencing at least four of these symptoms on a daily basis for a prolonged period.  Your symptoms may be caused by lingering depression.  When you are facing these on a continual basis, there is no shame in asking for help.  When there is a death in the family, people offer their support.  When a divorce occurs, this help is often lacking, so you may need to seek out your own support.  Just remember that you probably won't feel this way forever.

For the time being, though, depression from divorce can seem to color everything in your life.  So how do you get beyond this empty feeling?  First, begin to realistically examine what actually happened in your marriage.  Start to forgive yourself for mistakes you may have made.  Maybe you weren't perfect, but you are basically a good person.  You can't go back and change the past, so let it go, and allow yourself to find contentment in the here and now.

Learn To Be Thankful For What You Have
You still have much to be thankful for, even with the inevitable changes that divorce brings.  Actively try to find joy in the life you have right now.  Be thankful for the birds singing, for the wonderful smell of your first cup of coffee, for the angelic look on your children’s faces as they sleep, or the friend’s shoulder you can lean on.  Allow yourself some of the simple pleasures in life, such as reading an uplifting book, getting outside to enjoy the sunshine, or baking chocolate chip cookies.

Sometimes it helps to remove the things that bring back depressing memories.  Arrange the house to your liking, take off your wedding band, and put away those wedding pictures.  Why plunge yourself into despair when you don’t have to.
Start keeping a journal to track when you are feeling depressed. Is there a certain time of the day, or maybe something that triggers your sadness?  Once you find a pattern, choose to remove yourself from the situation that makes you sad and do something different.  In other words, don’t subject yourself to the pain.
When you’re feeling blue, mentally tell yourself that you choose to be happy, regardless of your situation.  It may feel fake, but emotions have a way of grabbing hold of your attitude.  Wouldn't you rather your attitude be one of joy and happiness?

Look Beyond Your Pain
If you find yourself overwhelmed with your situation, give yourself permission to not think about it for a while.  Think of it as a mental health break.  Paste a smile on your face (even if you don’t feel like it), compliment someone, or do something nice for a friend or neighbor.  The idea is to stop focusing on your misery, and start looking beyond yourself.  There is true joy when you brighten someone else’s day

Limit Your Sorrow
If this just doesn’t seem to work, set aside 15 or 30 minutes a day to allow yourself to be sad.  If you find yourself reminiscing during the day, tell yourself that it will just have to wait until your scheduled down time.  When this time arrives, allow yourself to feel the sadness that has been hounding you.  Feel it fully, but once your time is up, tell yourself that you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to be miserable again.  As the days pass, you’ll find yourself making less and less use of this time.  Eventually, you won’t even need it. 

You can use your divorce as a stepping stone to a better life.  Yes, things have changed, but this is no excuse to give up on life.  You won’t always feel this devastated.  As time passes, you will feel the sting of your divorce less and less. In fact, the majority of people who divorce come to view it as a positive step in their lives.  You can also.

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By Tracy Achen, author of "Divorce 101:  The Woman's Guide to Divorce." (This article may be freely reprinted provided that it is unaltered and the above information is included.)
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Ex-Rated

Reconnecting WIth Your sEXuality - by Analise Pendergast

In the whirlwind world-upside-down aftermath of your divorce, the idea of sex may have been the furthest thing from your mind. But now that you’re finally getting things sorted out and believing that life indeed does go on, you may be starting to think about your own sexuality once again. And chances are, you’ve got some questions.

Is the world a different place than it was the last time you were a single woman? Is satisfying sex reserved for the young and the restless, or can us more mature ladies still enjoy a good roll in hay? Will anyone find you attractive? What do you enjoy, sexually speaking? When it comes to reconnecting with your sexuality after divorce, how do you even know where to begin?

The good news is, it’s easier than ever to explore your own sexuality, and reacquaint yourself with your God-given erotic essence. Don’t even think of letting your age or your baggage convince you that your life as a sexual woman is over. All it takes is a little faith, a little exploration, and the desire to feel that magical feeling again.

Let’s start with a bit of erotic inspiration. Gone are the days when your only option for acquiring erotic literature or products was some sleazy cement-block Adults-only store in a gravelly parking lot beside the highway. Nowadays, you can go to any major bookstore, visit the sexuality aisle, and find shelves upon shelves of tasteful erotica, essays and guidebooks on reclaiming and celebrating your sexual spirit, erotic art and photography. This is not your father’s pornmag rack – this is the new millennium. While still a loaded topic for sure, sexuality is no longer an absolute hush-hush taboo, or a raunchy indiscretion. Look for booksthat resonate with you, inspire or intrigue you. Treat yourself, and look forward to curling up in bed tonight with a good book, and some especially sweet dreams.

The Internet makes it possible to explore sexual topics at your leisure, and in complete privacy. Sure, the internet’s also infamous as a free-for-all for smut mongers, but after a little surfing, you’ll quickly learn to sidestep the trash and find tasteful, educational, and inspirational sites on sexuality. In fact, an ‘Advanced Search’ option in Google allows you to search for sexuality information while filtering out so-called ‘adult-oriented’ (read: pornography) material. A fun place to start might be to gaze upon some vintage erotic art at the Amsterdam Museum of Erotic Art site (www.ameanet.com). Timelessness, a sense of humor, and tasteful playfulness characterize the online exhibits of erotic (not pornographic) images created throughout history, originating from all corners of the globe.

The Internet also provides discreet access to shops that feature sexual aids and toys designed specifically for women’s pleasure. No longer disguised as ‘vibrating muscle massagers’ with a deafening turbo engine, sex toys for women now come in every imaginable shape, size, and color – and are made to tease and please a woman’s erogenous zones with aplomb and expertise. And some of them are downright cute! Don’t miss the pretty purple Butterfly or the famously talented pink Rabbit

When it comes to thinking about being with a new lover, you may be wondering about changes in the landscape regarding sexual health and risks. In the age of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases, nobody is immune from risk – but protecting oneself is not rocket science, and in this day and age, is de rigueur. Plan to use condoms every time, and educate yourself on the facts of safer sex. Again, good information is easy to find (try www.plannedparenthood.org), and reasonable precautions are not difficult to implement. To put your mind at ease, an appointment with a Planned Parenthood practioner could provide an excellent opportunity to freely and confidentially ask questions, and get the guidance, advice, and reassurance you need.

So don’t be shy. Sexuality is an gift handed out to all of us, and is designed to last a lifetime. As you explore and learn more about your sexual self at this new point in your life, you’ll begin to reconnect with your own sexual spirit, and gain confidence in your erotic essence. And then you better get your dance card out, honey - because everyone knows that a little confidence can be a very sexy thing!

Analise Pendergast is a freelance writer specializing in topics of sexuality and relationships. Her features appear regularly on MSN.com’s Dating & Personals Department, as well as Match.com’s online love-zine, MatchScene. She also pens the advice column Ask Analise for SexHerald.com, and is the creator of a pioneering writing workshop for women called Sex, Lies, & Language. Her alter-ego, singer/songwriter Lisa McCormick, offers up original odes to love on her sultry CD, Mystery Girl : Eleven Songs of Love and Eros, which critics hailed as “The Best Make-Out Album of 2003” (sound samples available at www.LisaMcCormick.com). Comments and inquiries are welcome at AnalisePendergast@hotmail.com.

Stages of Ex

For a woman, the process of emotional healing after a breakup is complicated and individual. Generally speaking women go through a period of EXile, EXpress, EXorcise, EXplore and EXhale - everything from denial to acceptance

EXile

 
I Want to be Alone - The first stage of healing after a relationship break-up normally finds you wanting to go into some kind of EXile. No matter how bad the relationship was when he’s finally gone you are devastated. You are living in your own private hell and don’t feel like getting out of bed, let alone leaving the house. The thought of taking out the garbage is overwhelming.

EXpress

Could Have, Should Have…EXpress is the stage of EX where you: 1) Obsess about all the things you didn’t say or do in your relationship. It’s a mind numbing cycle of self effacing guilt and sadness. 2) Have an irrational desire to speak to someone, anyone. You want to share your personal tragedy with friends, family, shop-assistants, hairdresser, and complete strangers. You want sympathy, comfort and a shoulder to cry on. 3) Are stuck in a permanent mind loop. Feelings of anger, despair, frustration and pain dominate your life.

EXorcise

 
Release the Demons .At this point, you are ready to release the demons of your past and let go of your EX for good!!I have a close friend, Ray, who gave me some amazing advice.. He said, "OK, Margaret! Quit crying, bitching and moaning!! Approach your life as if you were producing a Broadway show." Identify the Lead Character. Hint…that would be YOU!

EXplore

Explore Your Options. After long excruciating days in EXile, the frenetic outpouring of grief and anger in EXpress, and the cleansing Exorcism of renewal, you finally get it. Life is short. You are feeling more human and want to actually go OUT into the world, examine your options and start to explore.

EXhale

 

Breathe Deeply! Travelers will know that if a plane is in trouble, when conditions supporting normal life are suspended, the pilot calmly says “place the oxygen mask over your face and breathe normally.” And then “Do not attempt to help other people before securing your own mask